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A Teenager's Poly Perspective

Thus Speaks a Teenager in a Poly Family:

When my father had told me he was Poly about 3 months ago, at first I wasn't sure of what it was about and then Dad sat down and discussed the subject with me. I found I wasn't shocked in the slightest bit. At first I really didn't care I just respected Dad for his choice of lifestyle.

The topic really didn't start to intrigue me until I wanted to do a paper on Polyamory for school, it was only then that I saw that his lifestyle was so much more than a three way relationship. It’s more connected with the mind and soul and how you really feel about your love for others and the way you want to live in a relationship.

My Father made it pretty clear to me that is more than just a sexual threesome going on and that him and my Stepmother had a lot more love to give and somehow that love went beyond just a couple. They had never really felt whole as a couple and there was something missing in their life.

Not too long after that they met a lady called F, she was very scared about how I felt and what impact the relationship would have on me. I feel that when there is any sort of relationship going on, you need to consider not only yourself and your partners feel about the relationship but also how your children feel if there are any involved. With F I never really felt comfortable around her and I suppose I even had a slight dislike for her. She was too private in her relationship with my Dad and Stepmother and I became scared that she would eventually try to mother me too much and yell at me to clean my room and all that sort of stuff. In fact she was already starting to do that by influencing my Stepmother’s decisions around the house even though she didn't live with us.

In the end F left my Father and Stepmother for another man, so they went on looking for that special someone to fill the gap in their lives.

After 12 long years of looking for someone to fill their hearts and souls with love, hopes and dreams - they have found her!

I have this feeling that Helen is the right person for them and for the family as well. We had known Helen a while before things started to happen in my parents relationship with her as they grew closer together I was over the moon that my Dad and Step mum had finally found someone that they really love and who is capable of returning that love. The other great thing about this relationship is that feel comfortable around Helen, and she is a really great friend to me without being an overbearing “mother” figure. Also my brothers relate well to Helen and all of us “kids” have accepted Helen’s daughter, Vivien as just another sibling we all mesh well together now at least I have a little sister instead of all those brothers around me!

From the days our whole families have spent together there has been a great sensation of fun and a real family atmosphere it really feels quite natural and if it was meant to be.

To me it feels like a whole family, which I never expected that I would feel this way, I always thought with this Poly stuff it would be a case of “you have your life I'll get on with mine”!

However this Poly thing goes beyond just the adults its connected with the children as well, so in the long run not only are Dad and my Step mum learning about their own thoughts and feelings but so am I and my siblings just in other ways.

A Teenager's Poly Perspective , used by permission
Copyright ©, 2001 Shannon Jones, all rights reserved

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